22 Questions to Ask Instead Of “How Was Your Day?”

Because “how was your day” often results in “fine” and stops there.

image by Spring Fed Images from Unsplash.com

Over time, and especially if you live with your partner, it can be easy to get into conversational ruts and routines. When you see someone all the time and know them quite well, it’s easy to forget that there are always new things you don’t know about them. Thoughts they’ve had recently, new interests they are developing, feelings they have had, people they interacted with today, books they are reading, new goals they might have developed, etc. So, you and/or your partner arrive home and likely routinely ask “How was your day?”

“Good. Yours?”

“Decent. Want to watch Netflix now?”

I bet a lot of couples can relate to this exchange.

And what was likely meant to have been an open-ended question and which did have genuine interest behind it (when they ask this, many people do truly want to know the details of their partner’s day) has now shifted into something closed. This question can eventually come to almost feel like the perfunctory “how are you” that everyone asks one another, and the socially acceptable, expected answer is, “fine and you?”

The inquiry “how was your day?”, while well-meaning, can eventually be a question that falls flat. It’s more of a closed than an open question. And when we only answer with one word, as well as, make this our go-to question with our partner, we are likely missing out on a lot of richer conversations we could be having with them.

Getting into such a rut can close off a lot of conversation potential with your partner. It also, over time, might stunt growth between two people, and can lead to boredom, as well as a sense of lesser connection.

There are much better questions you can ask that prompt much more of an answer. Questions that are more exciting. Those that draw both yours and your partner’s interest far more and will result in more engaging discussions and potentially even learning new things about each other.

(This idea also applies to friends and family relationships too. Shake up the ways in which you talk with one another!)

Instead of “how was your day,” choose questions that will prompt your partner to go deeper. To actually reveal details, experiences, and feelings.

Here are a few ideas:

1. What was the best part of your day and why?

2. Did anything surprise you today?

3. Did you read/listen to anything interesting today? Tell me about it.

4. Did you take any photos today? What of? Why did you choose to take photos of those things?

5. How can I make your day easier or happier in five minutes?

6. What did you do that was just for you today? How did it feel?

7. What do you wish you did more of today and why?

8. What do you wish you did less of today and why?

9. What made you laugh today?

10. Did anything make you feel frustrated today?

11. Did you receive any good news today?

12. What are you most grateful for about your day?

13. What was the best conversation you had today? Tell me about it.

14. Tell me three good things that happened to you today.

15. What inspired you the most today?

16. What is something you did today that you’d love to do every day?

17. Did you do something kind for anyone today? What was it?

18. If you could do any part of today over again, what would it be and why?

19. When did you feel appreciated today and why?

20. If you could guarantee one thing for tomorrow, what would it be?

21. If your day turned into a movie, who would you cast? What theme music would you have chosen?

22. Will you remember any specific part of your day a year from now? Five years? How come or why not?

Questions like the above (and, I bet if you put some effort and thought into it, you can come up with a bunch more interesting ones) will help keep your relationship and conversations feeling interesting, engaging, fresh, and even sometimes, surprising. Don’t always go with the easiest, the usual, the standard inquiry of “how was your day” or “how are you?” Our conversations could be far more interesting if we shook things up and asked more open, creative questions of one another.

Fervent writer. Ravenous reader. Impassioned with words. Relationship researcher. Social Scientist. Social Justice Advocate. Author. www.brookeenglish.com

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