Despite the chaos into which our country has been thrown with COVID (all the reverberations that have resulted from it, as well as those still to come) and our currently contentious politics, there is still much to be thankful for in one’s life, if we take the time to look closely and think about it.
Books. The ability to pick one up and disappear into another world, a different perspective, to learn new skills, or to develop different ideas about how to live. The gifts a great book gives of entertainment, gained empathy, interesting concepts to consider, and novel ways of thinking, are endless. Books can change ways of thinking. Books can alter lives. …
And it has nothing to do with his outfit.
While there are a lot of misogynistic, dishonest, sexist, or otherwise not-so-great dudes in the world, there are also plenty of fantastic ones. Men who are kind-hearted. Men who care about and advocate for women. Men who are insightful, intelligent, and capable of nuanced thinking. Men who have their priorities right. Men who are thoughtful and generous. Men who go to bat for those in need.
One quick note: by “great” men, I do not mean to imply that people who do not fit into the below criterium are not good people. …
The obvious and the not-so-obvious.
Do you ever wonder, is my relationship good or not? Are there times when you have an argument or experience dissatisfaction in your romantic relationship and question, does this mean we aren’t a good match? Does this indicate it isn’t a healthy or happy relationship after all? Does this mean I chose wrong?
You can rest easy for the moment because yes, even great relationships have moments of challenge and do experience certain “down” moments. Even the best relationship experience moments of doubt. Even happy and healthy relationships have times when someone asks themselves, is this right? Can this really work over the long-term? Is this person the one I want to be with? …
Because “how was your day” often results in “fine” and stops there.
Over time, and especially if you live with your partner, it can be easy to get into conversational ruts and routines. When you see someone all the time and know them quite well, it’s easy to forget that there are always new things you don’t know about them. Thoughts they’ve had recently, new interests they are developing, feelings they have had, people they interacted with today, books they are reading, new goals they might have developed, etc. So, you and/or your partner arrive home and likely routinely ask “How was your day?”
“Good. Yours?”
“Decent. Want to watch Netflix now?”
I bet a lot of couples can relate to this exchange. …
Because while we may not be able to save America, but we can save our love.
With the chaos, confusion, worry, and anger swirling throughout the United States right now, it’s unlikely that anyone has been entirely untouched emotionally. Yes, we will each vary with regards to our personal situations and emotional reactions, but I think it’s safe to say that a vast majority of people right now are struggling to some degree. Whether with anxiety, depression, anger, or worrying about how to pay rent. With the loss of a job, getting sick, or fear about the skyrocketing rates of COVID and the insanity of this election. Everyone living in America right now is affected by this in some way. …
Watch out for these signs, if it’s not otherwise obvious, that one might be in your midst.
-They think (right now, November 5th) that, “the vote is over. The fight must go on.” (Uhhh…the vote is far from over since all the ballots have not yet been counted and democracy means counting all the votes).
-They think a “socialist utopia” sounds like a depressing and terrible thing. (Hello? Do we know what the definition of “utopia” is?)
-They think affordable, better healthcare being made available to all is “unnecessary” and “won’t be good” and they “don’t want it.” (Several developed countries around the world have this and many people are quite happy with it so…yeah. Also, the countries that do this tend to have far better health outcomes than we do. …
Even If He Doesn’t Win, This Says Everything.
As I write this, 60 million people have voted for a man who spent the last four years tweeting, lying, shooting his mouth off, degrading and assaulting women, destroying our relations with most other countries, disregarding climate change with his pulling out of the Paris agreement, stirring up hatred and white nationalism, and, more recently, flippantly brushing off COVID so that it’s eaten America alive.
60 million people.
This means that half of all Americans, given that the election is basically split 50/50 at the moment, have the hearts and minds of Trump. Or at least, something close to it.
And that, my friends, is soul-crushingly depressing, and terrifying. …
A Biden win will not suddenly “save America”
The evening of November 3rd was spent at home, refreshing the New York Times main page many times over. Finally, I put it aside, read a book, tried to relax, and went to bed, aware that I wouldn’t know the results tonight anyway, and potentially not even tomorrow either. I awoke at 4 am, stomach flip-flopping, body trembling for an hour and a half. A montage of potential results and corresponding images rushing through my head, despite my aching eyes.
I imagine I wasn’t alone in these feelings last night. That many others had similar experiences.
So, while we await the call for who won, what could and does this mean for all of us? …
Here is why
A prominent scholar of the American right believes Trump's support among men, in particular, is rooted in something more psychological.
Many white men feel that their gender and race have been vilified, says the sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild. Their economic prospects are bad, and they feel that American culture tells them that their gender is too. So they’ve turned to Trump as a type of folk hero, one who can restore their sense of “former glory.”
Thus, the type of men who are going to support Trump will be these ones: the woe-is-me men. The women-vilify-my-entire-gender-when-they-talk-about-things-like-rape-or-sexism men. The “all women are out to get men” thinking guys. The “we poor men have lost our power and we want it back” men. …
First hint: Doing this is the opposite of loving your child.
Everyone either knows someone to whom this has happened or, has sadly experienced it themselves.
The parents who reject, refuse to accept, dismiss, disrespect, or who are even downright mean to their adult child’s romantic partner.
Sometimes it’s subtle, it’s done behind their adult child’s back. It’s sneaky and manipulative, done in such a way that they are able to then throw up their hands to their grown child when confronted and shrug, “what? Who, me? I never did that! I would never do such a thing, come on.”
Other times, it’s overt. Cutting their adult child’s partner out of photos, refusing to speak to this person, doing things on purpose that they know will upset this person, or being aggressive or bullying towards them, etc. …
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