Dr. Terri Orbuch is an authority on marriage and divorce. Dr. Orbuch is also a psychologist, a research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research, and the author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.

Since 1990 she has been involved in a long-term U.S. study of marriage called The Early Years of Marriage Project, which has been following the same 373 married couples for over 25 years. 46 percent of the couples have since divorced. So, nearly half of them.

During her research, Orbuch found that 29 percent of spouses said they did not have enough “privacy or time for self” in their relationship, with more wives than husbands reporting not having enough space (31 percent versus 26 percent). Of those who reported being unhappy, 11.5 percent said the reason was lack of privacy or time for self. This was a greater percentage than the 6 percent who said they were unhappy with their sex lives. …

Get enough sleep

And six hours a night doesn’t cut it. You need a minimum of 7-hours a night, though ideally eight. And the age-old argument of some people saying, “I can get by easily on just four or five hours of sleep” is incorrect. These people may think they can, but in fact, their cognitive abilities decline significantly with such little sleep. They might not be consciously aware of it, though it’s the reality.

A relevant connection has been found between COVID and sleep, which you can read about here.

In addition to a greater risk of COVID, the risks of not getting enough sleep include: it ups your cancer risk by three times, causes weight gain, is a concrete link with Alzheimer’s, and short-circuits your ability to learn, problem-solve, and store memories. …

One year ago today, I had no idea how heartbreaking, how rigged of opportunity, and how bad many of the aspects of American culture are.

I returned from Europe four years ago because I missed home. Donald Trump had been elected about six months prior, which shocked and devastated me, this giving me pause. Yet, still, I came back, certain that the election was just a blip. A mistake. Something inexplicable and way out of left field.

It wasn’t.

Our social systems in America suck. The chasm of inequality is gaping wider than ever. With each year that passes, people are growing ever more suffocated with debt, though especially student loan debt. Racism and sexism are rampant. White supremacy and rage, and a startlingly lost grip on reality are dominating. Intellectualism and wisdom are dying out and being replaced with conspiracy theories, anger, and idiocy. Housing prices have soared by 40 percent over the last decade, while wages have barely budged (The New Yorker). …

Though some masked police drew their guns when Trump Thumping lunatics broke windows and barricades in the Capitol yesterday, something else very disturbing happened. Something that should terrify and chill the rest of us.

Over nearly a span of four hours, police did absolutely nothing as psychopaths broke into, looted, and pillaged the Capitol yesterday. You read that right. They did nothing.

Yet, during peaceful Black Lives Matter protests a few months ago, in Portland and other cities, police attacked and arrested hundreds.

And this, my friends, is what we should be zeroing in on from yesterday.

This should be the main takeaway and focus from all of it. …

Dating has been delivered a blow with the arrival of COVID. This includes people who are single and dating around, those already in a committed relationship, as well as people who live with their partner.

Short or long-term. Married or not. Monogamous or not.

COVID has impacted dating in all relationship types, and in many ways that are disappointing, difficult, even entail significant loss.

We should admit, acknowledge, and even allow ourselves to mourn this, which can feel validating, is healthier, might help us to feel less alone with the resulting feelings of upset about this. …

The Atlantic wrote an article recently about the ironic and illogical nature of certain pandemic rules and regulations, and how this leads to people feeling frustrated, confused, and ultimately throwing up their hands.

Some of these absurd rules include: being told not to gather with friends or family (enclosed spaces with a few people) and yet, we are all still allowed to go out and eat or drink in restaurants and bars (enclosed spaces with a lot of people). Another one: somehow we have decided that wearing a mask outdoors, when nowhere near other people, is an effective and important means of prevention of COVID. …

At heart, I’m a romantic. I believe whole-heartedly in lifelong love. I see the commitment and an intention to build a life with someone else as beautiful, worthwhile, and incredibly awesome. There are many positive things about marriage. I’ve been married. My wedding day was one of the most emotional, magical, awe-inspiring days. I loved every second of it. I wouldn’t take it back even though we are no longer together. And still, I would potentially consider marriage again.

And yet, with all of that said, there are a lot of reasons not to get married.

Whether you are happily married or not, single or coupled up, wanting to walk down the aisle or without interest, I’d like to offer an alternate point of view. One that might give you things to think about and perspectives you might not have considered prior. And these are never a bad thing. …

There are several misguided and inaccurate ideas about relationships and marriage in our culture that cause damage. Ones that frequently create expectations in relationships and marriage that harm more than they help.

We have this belief in our culture that a marriage (or any romance) must last “forever”…or else.

That if any romantic relationship or marriage ends, it is a “failure.”

That wedding vows are made to be stuck to, regardless of if the relationship no longer fits, or is not healthy or happy.

That a second or third marriage is automatically less meaningful than the first one, simply by means of it not being “the first.” …