Exactly, Joe. I am writing in my article (which, given the comments above, I am not sure a lot of people actually read carefully and in its entirety) exactly that.

That romantic love is a choice, not a feeling. And that this takes longer to develop. (I am not referring to love of one’s own children, as people keep saying. Which indicates they did not read the article…).

A lot of readers seem to be missing my point.

Yes, lust, excitement, affection, infatuation, all of these can be and are often the beginnings of romantic love.

Love, meaning, mature, committed, real love? That takes longer. You cannot truly love someone you do not know. It’s easy to love someone’s light, but harder to love someone’s dark. And in the first few months of dating, you are generally only seeing their light. Thus, it’s easy to be infatuated with that. We all are :-)

Real love comes in once you know someone well. Once the love has grown roots. Once you’ve seen this person’s dark too. Once you’ve seen their weaknesses and toughest traits. Once you’ve grown together over time. Once you’ve surmounted challenges together.


Fervent writer. Ravenous reader. Impassioned with words. Relationship researcher. Social Scientist. Social Justice Advocate. Author. www.brookeenglish.com

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