Infidelity is Not Surprising, Nor is it Automatic Evidence of a Bad Relationship or Lack of Love.

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While there is nothing wrong with monogamy per se, it is a narrow, as well as “one size fits all” method of doing things, with little flexibility or openness, without much room for the messiness and complexity of human feelings and behavior, nor with much sense of understanding outside of it.

Our culture’s default assumption of monogamy as the “right”, “best”, and “the only way” to have a “truly” loving, committed, good relationship, is a problem, though. It has been since the dawn of monogamy itself.

And this is why affairs and infidelity will always be a thing that humans struggle with.

Because monogamy is hard.

And because it isn’t how the human heart is made to function or how human desire is designed or how our yearnings for connection tend to go.

For a small subset of people, lifelong monogamy truly works, without much struggle or hitch. This is a wonderful thing.

What if we didn’t have to choose?

What if we could maintain the loving, beautiful, worthwhile relationship with our love and partner while experiencing other significant connections along with way?

What if it didn’t have to be either-or?

If that were the case, I imagine there would be less cheating, way less secrecy, and significantly fewer people leaving their spouse or partner for someone else. They wouldn’t have to. They wouldn’t be forced to choose.

Fervent writer. Ravenous reader. Impassioned with words. Relationship researcher. Social Scientist. Social Justice Advocate. Author.

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