All of the in-your-face, overt, over the top sexualization that pervades our culture has become strangely…unsexy. Instead, it’s homogenized, cookie cutter, unsurprising, predictable. Lacking any sense of mystery, excitement, or uniqueness.
Breasts, thongs, and butt cheeks on perpetual display.
A pornified, narrow idea of beauty dominates.
“Duckface” selfies, our go-to photo pose.
The most outrageous, personally revealing Instagram posts, Facebook statuses, and Tweets garner the most attention.
Raunchy and rude has become the norm.
Ghosting stories abound, the term even becoming trendy, because being aloof and detached is far cooler than developing feelings for someone and actually investing in a person.
Suggestive and overt stares. Hardly clothed bodies. Getting drunk and hooking up on knowing someone for mere hours. Butt-bearing skirts and shorts. Dick pics.
While some of this may be physiologically arousing (since overtly sexual imagery does tend to elicit responses in our minds and bodies) or can be momentarily attention-grabbing, none of it is especially sexy. Nor is any of it very truly compelling. At least, not for those with a more refined sense of focus.
Instead, it’s commonplace. Tired. A dime a dozen. It exudes a sense of desperation. It’s narrow, limiting, and singular. And it’s unimaginative.
You know some things that are sexy?
Tension. Letting it build. Burn. Ache. Wanting and desire. Allowing these sensations to permeate you, without giving in to them but instead, letting them linger and grow.
Men in suits.
Making someone wonder what’s underneath, instead of on their first glimpsing you, they essentially already know.
German accents when they pronounce the word “love.”
Having standards. And expecting that people meet them in order to earn your company. (And when they do not, walking).
That first kiss with someone you really like. Even better, if it follows after much buildup over a few dates.
Being worldly and well read.
Confidence coupled with humbleness.
Showcasing via your clothing that you are someone to be earned, a person who does not easily give themselves to others, someone with poise and class.
Falling in love with someone all over again.
The heady smell after a rainstorm when it’s hot outside.
Hip hop dancing.
Strength (emotional and physical).
Certain arm tattoos.
Particular cities. To name a few: Berlin, Germany. Lisbon, Portugal. Barcelona, Spain. And Sienna, Italy.
Being bilingual, or even multilingual.
This list can easily go on, and will of course, differ for each individual.
However, the takeaway. Let’s break out and venture forth from within the narrow, uninspired, predictable and unimaginative walls of what we have come to regard as sexy. Much of which, actually isn’t even all that sexy.
Let’s crank up the real heat, shift our perspectives from within the limited confines and ideas that our culture has drawn for us in terms of sexiness. Sexiness is so much more than the fixed ideas we have come to assume as such.